The struggles, inspirations & triumphs of a bi-polar artist...

February 01, 2020 0 Comments

Creativity is a gift, a curse and with Geminis, a constant effort to keep in check. But even struggling with bi-polar, my story will help gain perspective and triumph over the pull of inspiration...

Many artists (as some may not realize), have many talents: a musician is likely to paint, compose poems, sculpt and even write a novel.

It's not unusual. It is simply an expression of the inspiration gathered from the energy, sights and sounds around us channeled into an art-form.

The struggle though, is to find a delicate balance with our gifts and the constant demands from the world around us. And for a Gemini especially, the many interests are what keeps me engaged with my art and keeps me content and happy.

I find for a day or two; I'll get inspired, locked into a painting and for a week or so it becomes my favorite project. When on a break from my "temporary" day-job; I'll bring myself back to it in my mind, looking forward to the next day when I'll have the freedom of time to pursue it further.

And often, when that day comes, another urgent matter presents itself and thus; I get side-tracked and lose my drive for a time.

Some of the most productive times for me were when I was self-employed. I set my own schedule and for the most part, stuck to it. The job I provided for myself with the generosity of my home town neighbors allowed me to work very short or very long hours depending on my energy level and also gave me the freedom to discover the dosage of bi-polar medication that wouldn't leave me sleepy and lethargic all day.

During that time I was keeping records for my business for book-keeping and also for reporting to the powers that be every month. Suffice it to say, it wasn't fun but it payed me closer to what I felt I was worth although I had no help from government agencies, no case manager and very little assistance for understanding how to run a small business for someone on disability.

In my down time I worked relentlessly on my first fantasy novel. I kept track of the days I wrote and the progress I'd made for the day in my work diary. To this day, I feel that this method is still one of the best motivators for a small business owner.

And still, one project can bring on a wind-fall of others.

As with many painters; we have several paintings in the works or even a song that is near completion and now, we're back on another project.

For me; knowing this flaw in my personality, I can still remain productive by listening intently to my emotions. If the heart isn't in it at the moment, the time can be wasted. And so as to avoid the project gathering dust for years to come, I delve into my work and get it to a point that when I come back to it; the initial inspired vision is easy to recall because I find it is easier to continue working on a painting, song or whatever, if it is far enough along that it won't get buried and forgotten.

Another method I find helpful in summoning inspiration and defeating overwhelming manic depression is to go through the motions of working on a project: Pick up a brush, sit at a piano and just begin to play for a time. Often, the cares of the world are pushed aside and we can create a world where things seem just right.

Many of us are like a child, wanting to do it all. For me, it is painting, composing music, writing and game design (nobody really knows the last one). In order to continue losing hope, I look at a forseeable future where all of those talents are brought together.

I've completed my first fantasy novel in a trilogy. 
I've composed over 40 songs, though I've yet to release my first album.
I've published most of my completed paintings in limited-edition prints and some in posters, though my artwork is yet to provide a full-time income.

In short- I'm almost there (bi-polar or no)

The image for this article was created for a future oil painting of Jimi Hendrix titled: "Experienced".

Thanks for reading - S.W.

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Manic Dreams - by Sammy Lee Worley from Samuel Worley on Vimeo.

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